Nobody tells you how much grief can be affected by scent.
You wash their blanket and immediately regret it. You catch a whiff of something: a certain shampoo, a pet store, fresh air on a rainy morning and suddenly you’re right back in it. The body remembers in scent what the mind is still trying to process.
But here’s the thing: that same power that makes scent so devastating in grief? It can also be a tool for comfort and gentle uplift. And sometimes that’s all we need: just a little lift.
The Day I Realized The Scent of Coffee Was Helping Me
A few years ago, I wrote about the alternative resources that helped me through a particularly heavy season of loss: losing people and pets in close succession. One thing that surprised me was how much simply brewing a pot of coffee helped.
Not because of the caffeine. Because of the smell. That warm, familiar, grounding scent doing something to my nervous system that I couldn’t explain but absolutely felt. It made the house feel alive again, even for a few minutes.
You can read more about that experience and other alternative grief resources here:
Scents That Can Gently Lift Your Mood
Peppermint Energizing and clarifying. When grief makes you feel foggy and slow, peppermint can help wake up your senses without being overwhelming. A diffuser, a candle, even a mint tea.
Citrus (Orange, Lemon, Grapefruit) Citrus scents are associated with mood elevation. They don’t fix the sadness, but they can create a small pocket of lightness. Fresh orange peel in a bowl, a citrus diffuser blend, even a lit citrus candle while you sit quietly.
Lavender For the moments when grief shows up as anxiety or sleeplessness, which it often does, lavender is calming without being sedating. A pillow spray or a small sachet near your bed can make nighttime softer.
The Scent of Your Pet This one is tender, but worth saying: if you still have something that smells like them, you’re allowed to hold onto it as long as you need to. You don’t have to rush through that particular grief. Their scent is a connection, and connections are sacred.
A Small Practice to Try
When you’re feeling a heavy wave coming on, try this: brew something warm, light a candle, open a window. Give your nose something to do. It’s not a cure. But it’s a kind and gentle companion to the harder work of grieving.
You are not alone in this. Your love for them was real. Your grief is real too. I find that practical help like this is so helpful in assisting my emotions to flow through, be felt, and held space for.
For pet loss resources and support, visit my blog. For custom pet portrait etchings, including the memorial collages incorporating a paw print, lock of fur, or ashes, shop here.
